I’m not who I used to be. The free-spirited me. The one who would spend hours dazing at the sky, hours alone, days meditating. The one who didn’t talk nonsense, who didn’t bicker, the one who was crazy and carefree. The one who went out at night, who danced, who screamed. I want me back. I wanna be free again.
This time I wont write about my past, bad feelings, or love, although I do love my boyfriend dearly.
One of the things I enjoy most about being alone is not worrying about anyone else. Like I have the time and energy to spend on myself and myself alone. I would spend hours in the field up the road from my house right next to a church reading, listening to the birds, getting lost in my deepest thoughts, or just meditating with no thoughts at all. I feel like that’s something I need to continue to do as much as I can. Being in a relationship restricts me from doing that as often as I would like to. Now with a deprived longing for mother nature I get out of mind sometimes. I get mad and uncomfortable at random times when my healing is the simplest thing in the world, but there’s just no time and place for it anymore. Each day when that needs comes and I don’t listen I feel as though I miss out on a part of myself, like I need to spend extra hours to catch up with myself from all the missed sessions.